The Waiting Game

Greetings!  So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything.  I really haven’t had much of a desire to until this past week, so here it goes. 

I wanted to write one last post before Micah arrives.  He is “due” tomorrow, February 21^st.  Most moms, first time moms especially, do not deliver on their due date, they usually deliver after the expected due date.  So I’m not getting my hopes up.  I really wanted to be one of the exceptions to this statistic and have my child before or on his due date, but it’s looking like that may not happen. 

This past week has been especially hard.  I have had a few “signs” of labor, whatever that really means, but nothing really progressive.  Really, the only sign of real labor is consistent contractions that get closer together, longer in duration, and more intense as time passes by.  You don’t know how many pregnancy websites I’ve been on trying to determine if my other signs mean that I will be in labor in the next day or so.  It’s been quite humorous. 

I have been really convicted the past three days to not go to anymore of these sites and not to dwell on this birth like I have been the past two weeks.  I’ve been doing everything possible to naturally get labor started and guess what….He’s not here yet.  And while I don’t think these things are harmful and actually are preparing my body for labor, my heart and mind behind doing all these things has been to control.  I want to know exactly when my baby will be born and somehow I think I have a say in when that gets to be.  Silly me.  No matter how many squats I do or how many miles I walk, this illusion I have called control is just that, an illusion.  In everything control is an illusion.  Jesus is the King and his reign and will is ultimate in what comes to pass in this world.  Control in general is a hard thing for me.  He’s pruning me right now and speaking for me to walk into greater faith and greater delight in Him.  I’ve been so focused on this baby and this birth that I think it’s slowly crept in and become and idol in my heart.  Don’t get me wrong, God totally intends for me to rejoice and anticipate the arrival of my first child.  But, it’s been something I’ve obsessed over and placed as superior my walk with Him.  Anytime we do this with anything, even good things like our spouses, money, or whatever, it is idolatry and I’m coming into repentance with it right now.  I want my eyes and my heart continually fixed and devoted to Jesus, the real ruler of all things.  I want to yearn for Him above all else.  I want to be filled with continual hunger and thirst for His presence. 

With that being said, I’m continually asking for more power from the Holy Spirit to walk in Him and to place Christ as the rightful ruler of my thoughts and my heart.  I’m going to keep doing my squats and my walking and all that great stuff, but I’m leaning hard on this verse that we all know and love. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6.  The Lord is the one who will deliver this baby!

Stay tuned for future posts about our birth-we’re having a homebirth and I’ll be posting all about it. 

Blessings