An irish shepherdess, a protestant nun, or a florist??

I’m almost 23 years old now and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have secretly always wanted to be and or do three things.  These include being an Irish shepherdess, a protestant nun, and a hot air balloon guide.  The protestant nun job would be pretty amazing if you think about it.  I could stay married, do the work of Jesus and get to wear those insanely awesome robs and maybe jazz them up a little.  I was thinking Patriotic themed Monday, Leopard print Tuesday, and who knows what the good Lord could have in store for the rest of the week!  Any suggestions?  Andrew and I weren’t quite unified on the whole thing though, so I have decided to lay down my desire for nunnery at the foot of Jesus.  However, being a hot air ballon guide and an Irish Shepherdess would be great too.  I think God may have something else in store for me though. 

I thought I was supposed to have a career and a house and basically have life figured out by now.  Nope!  Not even close.  I have none of these things.  Instead, I have a dog that has a ridiculous amount of separation anxiety, a third floor apartment which has caused my car to be a never ending pile of assorted items that I can’t fit into one trip up the four flights of stairs to my apartment, and an extra ten pounds.  Boy howdy!  Livin’ the good life.  

No, I have been incredibly blessed beyond measure with the life I have, it’s just very different than I imagined, in a good way though.  I constantly fight the desire to have an established career, a house, and the overall impression of being settled though.  And while there is nothing wrong with those things, my motives for all of it is the approval and praise of other people.  I want so badly to be seen as a grown up that has things all figured out sometimes.  I don’t though, and honestly, when I really sit down and think about it, I hope I don’t come to a point in my life where I do.  It’s still a battle though.  The real truth is that I have secretly wanted to open a flower shop since I was about 19.  I put bouquets together at the Farmer’s Market for about 6 months and fell in love with it.   I think I have a real eye for colors and design, or so I’ve been told.  I accidentally killed most of the flowers for my friend Abby’s wedding last summer.  Seriously.  I put most of them in my fridge to keep cool and the fridge was on too high of a setting and they all withered and died.  Yeah, it was bad.  Luckily we were able to save a few things and the wedding from the previous night at the venue had tons of flowers left over.  Praise the good Lord.  I, along with my good friend Rachel rushed to put together Abby’s bouquet as well as all the bridesmaid’s bouquets.  They turned out really beautiful.   The picture at the top of this post is the final product! It was so neat getting to make her bouquet, even if I was the one who killed nearly everything in the first place.  Thanks for giving me grace, Abby! 

I feel silly even thinking about doing something like that though.  The pay is really not that great and I feel like it’s not prestigious enough.  I’m going to throw caution to the wind though and take a chance.  I contacted about 12 floral shops in Denver today to see if they would be hiring in June to hopefully get some really good experience.  Who knows if it will work out, but it’s worth a shot!    

Tired...

I’m tired today: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  How can an apartment get so dirty in just a few hours?  We have community group tonight and I still have so much to do.  It’s the kind of day you want to just watch “The Office” a good chunk of the day so maybe everything you need to get done won’t seem as serious or daunting.  That’s not going to happen today though.  Michael, Pam, Jim, and Dwight will have to wait till tomorrow. 

My heart is also really burdened for a lot of people around me.  It’s so hard not to have my own agenda with hurting people.  I find myself constantly saying to Jesus, “What do you want me to do?”  His response lately has been, “pray.”  Bahhh!  It’s so hard not to play the Holy Spirit and just pray for people.  I think because I am so caught up in fixing people and wanting to get them to a good place, Jesus just wants me to pray right now.  I’m not saying he can’t work through all that stuff and use me to speak truth, I think this time is just a real big season of learning to pray for people. 

I’ve also been struggling with this pull of finding a job outside of ministry vs. a ministry job.  Honestly, I really just want my job to be ministry.  And I feel a real call to it.  I don’t think anyone should be in ministry if Jesus hasn’t called them there.  Just like God chose the Levitical priests to their positions of work, so God calls certain people of His into ministry as a profession.  Since we’re not plugged into a church in Colorado though, the chance of getting to do ministry as a profession right away isn’t looking promising.  However, I know if God wants Andrew and I there He’ll bring us to that.  Until then, I may be working as one of those people who dress up in a gorilla costume on the side of the road holding up a signs saying, “get your haircut here!”   Just kidding…maybe.   Keep praying for us!       

Oreos?

Oh brethren.  This is absolutely what I want to be doing right now:  stuffing a whole bunch of Oreos in my mouth.  Why is it such a battle to eat healthy and exercise?  I mean really.  I’m writing this post right now to distract myself from eating the entire bag of Oreos that are in my pantry right now.   I don’t want to throw them out because I feel like I’m being wasteful.; all the sponsor a child infomercials fill my head as I debate whether or not to throw them out.  Geez Louise.   And why is it that an extra 10 pounds appears suddenly after a person gets married?  Good grief.

I want to take care of my temple, I really do.  And maybe I should start asking Jesus to walk alongside of me as I do it rather than just pulling myself up by my bootstraps to try and get it done myself.  I want Jesus to develop this area of self-control in my life.  I feel like this isn’t talked about much in Christian circles that I’ve been in.  I want to start talking about it more though.  We are body, spirit, and soul.  And if Jesus said we are His temple, then by golly I want to make it the best temple I can.  I need some accountability on it though, just like I need accountability with taking care of the other two parts of my temple, my soul and spirit.  It’s just neat how God’s using even this hard time of resisting Oreos to further the fruit of self-control within me.  Thanks, Abba. 

The Bait of Satan

3/27/11

I’m reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere right now and it’s pretty much rocking my world.  The main theme of the book is how being offended is one of Satan’s greatest schemes and how to overcome this deadly trap.  I thought I would post a few quotes from some of the chapters.  Praying it will bless and challenge you as much as it has me. 

“Humility and refusing to avenge myself were keys that freed me from my prison of offense.”     “Once you leave the place God has chosen for you, your root system begins to dwarf.  The next time it will be easier for you to flee from adversity because you have been careful not to root yourself deeply.  You end up coming to the place where you have little or no strength to endure hardship or persecution.  You then become a spiritual vagabond, wandering from place to place, suspicious and afraid that others will mistreat you.  Crippled and hindered in your ability to produce true spiritual fruit, you struggle in a self-centered life, eating the remains of the fruit of others.”   OH Mylanta!  Enough said. 

“Offended Christians also cut off their own ability to produce fruit.  Jesus compared the heart with soil in the parable of the sower.  Just as Cain’s fields were barren, the soil of an offended heart is barren, poisoned by bitterness.  Offended people still may experience miracles, words of utterance, strong preaching and healing in their lives.  But these are gifts of the Spirit, not fruits.  We will be judged according to fruit, not gifting.  A gift is given.  Fruit is cultivated.” 

“Though He (Jesus) was a son, He learned obedience by the things which He suffered” (Heb. 5:8).  “Spiritual growth is neither a function of time or learning, but it is a function of obedience.”  “Now we understand one reason why we have people in the church who have been Christians for twenty years, who can quote verses and chapters of the Bible, have heard a thousand sermons, and read many books, but still wear spiritual diapers.  Every time they meet with difficult situations, rather than responding by the Spirit of God, they seek to protect themselves in their own way.  They are ‘”always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth because they do not apply it. 

“Many times God will allow people to run from situations He desires them to face if they are set on running from them in their hearts.”  He uses the example of Elijah running from Jezebel even though God wanted Elijah to confront her. (1 Kings 18-19). 

“Jesus desires to heal our wounds.  But we often do not let Him heal them because it is not the easiest road to take.  It is the path of humility and self-denial that leads to healing and spiritual maturity.  It is the decision to make another’s well-being more important than your own, even when that person has brought you great sorrow.  Pride cannot travel this path, but only those who desire peace at the risk of rejection.  It is a trail that leads to humiliation and abasement.  It is the road that leads to life.” 

Trials...

Trial:  the act of trying, testing, or putting to the proof.  This word pretty much sums up our upcoming move to Colorado.  For those of you who don’t know, we are planning to move somewhere in Colorado at the beginning of June.  For the past three months Andrew and I have both applied for probably 40 jobs a piece.  Andrew has heard back from only one and I have heard back from only two, which didn’t work out.  We have been placing so much importance on us finding jobs that it’s almost become like a god to us.  Last night, Jesus in His great kindness straightened us out a bit with this.  He told us, you’re doing it backwards.  You are trying to find security in what the world tells you to find security in.   We have made the pursuit of security an idol for the past three months.  Jesus said to us, “I am your security.”  Just like God told the Israelites to take the first step into the flooding Jordan river to cross it as God commanded, so he wants us to take that first step of faith into the river of our move to Colorado.  Now don’t get me wrong, we will definitely pursue jobs and hope to have them as we move, but that is not the ultimate goal.  Our ultimate goal is to work on our marriage and seek the Living God, jobs or no jobs.  If this is our heart’s desire, He will provide, even if it’s in a way I don’t see coming.

 He’s been pressing the verses James 1:1-4 on my heart so much recently.  “Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds; because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  I looked up the greek for the word trial and it is meant to be a way for God to prove our faith, the faith that He’s given us in trusting Him through any circumstance.  Like I said in my second post, He leads us into these times of trials.  Sometimes I don’t think I get the most out of my seasons of trials though.  I grumble and complain and think God’s not going to come through.  Whenever he does, I am amazed and humbled.  What if I started believing and living like this in the midst of all trials?  I think God would graciously give me more of himself and take me to even deeper into new levels of faith.  So, we are earnestly going to stand on His promises of provision and protection through this move and allow Him to show up and show off. 

Fat cats, funerals, and windy roads...

3/24/11

Well, I’m back again.  Good to see you too.  So tonight I thought I would post a little about our life lately instead of a lot of weighty theological schmogical stuff.   And yes, I know “schmogical” is not a word, but you’ll have to use your imagination. HOWEVER, I will return with probably many more posts on spiritual gifts in the near future because God has been teaching me a lot about them. 

Since yesterday Andrew and I have had quite an adventure.  Today we decided to go hiking at Hawk’s Bill Craig.  It started off as a really great morning.  I had breakfast with my beautiful friend Rebekah at IHOP and then Andrew and I took my mom’s mini cooper out highway 45 headed toward the glorious town of Ponca, Arkansas.  We had somewhat of an idea of where the trail head was, but not quite enough.  Before we attempted to find it though, we stopped at the Ponca convenience store.  Here found no water, a cat weighing approximately 28 pounds, a store clerk that asked us to wash her car, and a man with a beard about as long as me.  Quite a stop, I know.   We then headed toward the trailhead, or so we thought.  We first turned onto a road that had a Baptist church where there was a funeral being held.  Let me tell you, you’ll get more than one look from a lady with a big hat and high heels at a Baptist church in Ponca, Arkansas if you pull in with a black mini cooper and no makeup.   We had no luck there, so on we went to the next road.  We felt like this could really be the one.  The road was about as wide as two mini coopers and a dirt one at that.  We passed several  SUV’s and trucks so we thought we were headed the right way.  But, after about 5 miles we started second guessing ourselves.   We were seeing houses or signs of civilizations only about every two minutes at this point.  It reminded me of the time I got lost in Chester, AR (about as glorious as Ponca) for a retreat with Sigma Phi Lambda sorority.  I ended up following this dirt road for probably 8 miles and when I reached the end I found a cabin with a man chopping wood and looking like he wanted to chop me.   I headed out of there pretty quick.  And this little adventure of trying to find the trail head reminded me a little too much of  psycho man with the ax.  We turned around as you can imagine.  Down the mountain we went.   We hiked at Lost Valley instead, which was great.  It wasn’t too humorous or adventurous, just good conversation with my wonderful husband and beautiful scenery.  When we got back home we looked up where exactly the trail head was.  Devastation and defeat were the two words that came to mind as Andrew told me that if we would have gone half a mile more we would have found the trail head.  Oh well, there’s always next time.  And honestly, the adventures one might have in Ponca, AR. are limitless. 

Gifts of the Spirit

O.k.   I’m hooked.   Now I know why my husband spends so much time on his blog. I thought I would do just one post for today, but turns out blogging is fun.  So here go my thoughts for the day:  Healing, prophecy, intercession, and hearing from God.   And before you stop reading because of skepticism or frustration in the fact that these topics are so debated over in the church, hear me out.  I definitely don’t have much figured out, but I have been asking Jesus questions about these gifts and think He’s given me a few things to hold onto in the dealings and practices of these gifts. 

I have to admit, before the past month I was quite skeptical that the “gifts of the Spirit” still existed today.  I haven’t ever been around someone who has been physically or spiritually healed and I have heard people prophecy over dear brothers and sisters that have been really wounded by false prophecy.  And honestly, it frustrated me.   My frustration moved me to a place of bitterness and fear of these gifts.  God is so gracious though and has slowly been immersing me into the realities of the gifts of the Spirit-mainly prophecy, intercession, and healing, and hearing from Him.  The state I’m in now is one of believing that God’s agenda, as it says in John 10:10, is “…to bring life and life to the full.”  I don’t mean that the body will be exempt from suffering and hardship, but I do think that my view of why God allows us to suffer has changed.  Just as the Spirit lead Jesus into the desert to endure temptation and trials, I think the Spirit leads us into seasons of trials in order that we would realize our dependence upon Him and ultimately rest in the joy and satisfaction that HE is enough for us in the midst of any trial or tribulation, which brings life to the soul, as Jesus says in John 10:10.  I also think that He desires to bring us into these seasons of trial and tribulation so that these “gifts of the Spirit” can be used to bring about healing, prophecy, intercession, and hearing from Jesus.  The danger in these gifts is having our own agenda though.  This is a big danger and something I fell into just about 30 minutes ago. When God calls me to use one of these gifts, I often times want so badly for the “life to the full” part to come to the person I’m ministering to that I forget that God has his own agenda in getting that person there.  Just as it talks about Paul’s ship having to run aground for the crew to come to safety and provision in Acts 27 and 28, so sometimes God wants His children to run aground to experience this life to the full.  As Beth Moore says, “Deliverance does not mean ease.  It may be simple and painless, or, God’s deliverance in your life may be one of the most excruciating things you ever experience.  Difficulty does not necessarily mean disaster.  Heavy winds and raging seas don’t always mean you’re on the wrong course.”  My agenda seems to be the “simple and painless” path for people usually.  Ha!  So my point with all of these gifts and what not is that I think He desperately wants them to be used, but to be used in His way and with His agenda.  In each situation we must ask what God’s agenda is and then step in accordingly with our gifts and hearts. 

Welcome!

Welcome to the Brewer blog!  I (Jayne) will be mostly posting on this blog, but my husband Andrew has another blog called 7sentences.com that you should definitely check out.  This whole blogging thing is new to me, so bear with me if my posts seem boring.  I mainly want to have a journal for myself, family, and friends to follow as Andrew and I embark on the adventures of our life together.  So, you should definitely become a follower and keep up with us and all our happenings!