I have to keep walking. My body wages war against my spirit, yet the cry of my inner being beckons me that this is the only way, the only will of my Father. This single cry within me is what drives my fragile feet to take the seemingly endless amount of steps to the place where eternity will forever be changed, where what has been will be no more, and where what is present now will be altered forever: the heavens above, the earth, and all that lies below the earth. The splinters from the wooden cross ferociously dig into my frail and weak skin as I am torn between the sounds of the soldiers’ loud accusations against me and the voice within me that so gently whispers, “You are my son, with whom I am well pleased. My will be done.” Closer and closer I see and sense the time approaching. After an endless array of mockery, beatings, and an utterly tumultuous walk to the final destination, I arrive. As the nails pierce my hands and feet, I am also pierced with another weight that is not a weight I have known before. I hear them saying, “Save yourself if you’re really the King of the Jews.” Oh Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they speak or do. Forgive them. My vision becomes blurry for the sharp and ever increasing sting of the nails and beatings. I look to the heavens and feel that the weight that came upon me as the nails pierced my hands has filled me to its full measure. The voice that whispered so tenderly to me as I walked to this place is now no more. I am utterly and completely forsaken by the Father. I have become the sin of the world. “My God, my God why have you forsaken me? Desperation and suffocation fills me. And with this, I know that it is time, it is time to breathe my last, time to change eternity. “Father, I commit my spirit unto you.”
I am literally in tears as I am writing this. I felt like God said, I want you to go back with me and see a tiny picture of what I went through to get to you, a tiny morsel of my suffering and my devotion to you. It’s not something I hang over your head like someone who gives a gift and expects a thank you in return, no. This is unmerited grace, Jayne. You never have deserved it or earned it, but I, the Lord your God, wanted you and was and am willing to take desperate measures to get to my beloveds. That’s what it’s about. I am not an evil dictator demanding your devotion. I am and will remain King of the earth and the heavens and everything below the earth even if you do not choose me, but I will chase after you and all my children relentlessly until the end of your days on earth because I desire you. “I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you in with loving kindness.” (Jer. 3:31). Many times in my life I’ve felt guilty that God had to die for my sins. I felt like I shouldn’t have screwed up so much and then He wouldn’t have had to suffer. But I’ve missed the point completely if that is my mindset! First of all, guilt is never, and yes I repeat, NEVER from God. Guilt has an accusing voice and my God is not an accuser. Satan is though and boy howdy he can accuse with the best of them. Guilt paralyzes us in the midst of our sins and creates a worldly sorrow, an inwardly focused sorrow. Conviction is from God though, and that leads to true repentance and Godly sorrow, a sorrow that looks upon the one who has covered all my sins and desires to move me to a place of holiness. Second of all, because of good old Adam and Eve, I have sinned since the day I was born. Everyone has. It’s the curse that will continually be passed down to everyone who is a human being until the day that Christ returns. But Christ is bigger than the curse and bigger than my sins! Praise! Although nothing physically changed the day that Christ died and was resurrected, everything changed in the spiritual realm. The keys that Adam and Eve gave over to Satan when they chose to disobey God and eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil were rightfully handed back over to the one who made the keys in the first place. “At the name of Jesus, every knee will bow.” He’s not mad at me because of my sin nature. He wants to redeem me from it though. He wants me back. He’s saw the mess we got ourselves in and gave us a way back to Him, not because He needs me or any of us, but because He wants us! What good news is this! He wants to woo us, He wants to show His glory and make His glory made known in us and through us! Whew! I’m having some Holy Spirit chills, aren’t you? So, if you’ve been in the spot I have and feel guilty because Jesus died for you, take that thought captive. 1. That’s not from God and shouldn’t be dwelt upon. 2. He was crucified because it was the will of the Father and the Father’s will has always been about His glory and the biggest way to make His glory known is for us to just be with Him, being in constant fellowship and communion with the living God. Look at the original design in the garden. Adam and Eve took walks and had sweet and intimate time with the Father in the garden. Thank you, Abba for winning us back to you so that you could be made known and be seen through all the earth.
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