The Waiting Game

Greetings!  So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything.  I really haven’t had much of a desire to until this past week, so here it goes. 

I wanted to write one last post before Micah arrives.  He is “due” tomorrow, February 21^st.  Most moms, first time moms especially, do not deliver on their due date, they usually deliver after the expected due date.  So I’m not getting my hopes up.  I really wanted to be one of the exceptions to this statistic and have my child before or on his due date, but it’s looking like that may not happen. 

This past week has been especially hard.  I have had a few “signs” of labor, whatever that really means, but nothing really progressive.  Really, the only sign of real labor is consistent contractions that get closer together, longer in duration, and more intense as time passes by.  You don’t know how many pregnancy websites I’ve been on trying to determine if my other signs mean that I will be in labor in the next day or so.  It’s been quite humorous. 

I have been really convicted the past three days to not go to anymore of these sites and not to dwell on this birth like I have been the past two weeks.  I’ve been doing everything possible to naturally get labor started and guess what….He’s not here yet.  And while I don’t think these things are harmful and actually are preparing my body for labor, my heart and mind behind doing all these things has been to control.  I want to know exactly when my baby will be born and somehow I think I have a say in when that gets to be.  Silly me.  No matter how many squats I do or how many miles I walk, this illusion I have called control is just that, an illusion.  In everything control is an illusion.  Jesus is the King and his reign and will is ultimate in what comes to pass in this world.  Control in general is a hard thing for me.  He’s pruning me right now and speaking for me to walk into greater faith and greater delight in Him.  I’ve been so focused on this baby and this birth that I think it’s slowly crept in and become and idol in my heart.  Don’t get me wrong, God totally intends for me to rejoice and anticipate the arrival of my first child.  But, it’s been something I’ve obsessed over and placed as superior my walk with Him.  Anytime we do this with anything, even good things like our spouses, money, or whatever, it is idolatry and I’m coming into repentance with it right now.  I want my eyes and my heart continually fixed and devoted to Jesus, the real ruler of all things.  I want to yearn for Him above all else.  I want to be filled with continual hunger and thirst for His presence. 

With that being said, I’m continually asking for more power from the Holy Spirit to walk in Him and to place Christ as the rightful ruler of my thoughts and my heart.  I’m going to keep doing my squats and my walking and all that great stuff, but I’m leaning hard on this verse that we all know and love. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6.  The Lord is the one who will deliver this baby!

Stay tuned for future posts about our birth-we’re having a homebirth and I’ll be posting all about it. 

Blessings 

Moving back and having a baby boy!

Well hey there world!  It’s been a while.  I have oodles and oodles of updates and news! 

First of all, we are moving back to Fayetteville!  In fact I’m moving back a week from today and Andrew will be there two weeks from today.  A lot of factors affected this decision…too many to go into here on the blog.  Bottom line…we’re coming back!  We will be packing up all our stuff and heading that way next Friday.  We’ll see all you Fayettevillians soon. 

The next big news is that we are having a sweet baby BOY!  We found out about three weeks ago and we’re thrilled.  Bring on the nerf guns and superheroes!  I had a diagnostic 21 week ultrasound today and everything looks just great!  The baby’s head is down and all his organs, brain, limbs, and everything are absolutely perfect and normal.  And for those of you who are tired of calling this baby “baby Brewer,” we have a name…..Micah James Brewer.  We love the meaning of these names.  Micah means “Who is like our God?” and James means “Supplanter.”  Micah is definitely a praise name and was also one of the minor prophets in the Old Testament.  We wanted to name this sweet boy something with a powerful meaning and God gave us this beautiful name.  I’ve posted a couple of belly pics of Micah at 21 weeks below. 

I’m feeling much better these days.  I’m not completely 100 percent better, but I’m off my medication and have been able to eat a lot more lately.  I especially love breakfast food right now J  The funny thing is, breakfast food has really been the only thing that I can eat at a restaurant.  I’m not doing too good with out-to-eat food or just food at restaurants in general.  I do pretty well with eating in and eating fairly healthy. It’s great because my body is craving things (other than the breakfast food) that are good for me and rejecting unhealthy foods for the most part. 

That’s all for now, folks!  See you Arkansans in about a week!

A lesson from a man with no family and boils on his body.

O.k.  Consider me the worst blogger ever.  Well, maybe not the worst ever, but it’s been awhile since my last post, July 22 I think…wow!  As I sit here and eat my sausage and cheese biscuit ( which has become way too familiar of a food for me-that, cheerios, yogurt, and fruit have been my staples for the last three months), I’m realizing that not much has really happened in terms of big deal things.  You already know that we’re having a baby, we’ve moved, and Andrew has a new job.  But, big deal things have happened in terms of our hearts.  I know I’ve complained about being nauseous and sick, but it really has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through.  Jesus has allowed a lot of emotionally tough happenings in my life, but not a lot of physically tough happenings.  I’ve always been pretty healthy and have only had one major surgery, and that was getting my wisdom teeth out.  That was pretty entertaining, I must say.  Anesthesia always makes life better.  Kidding…well, I kind of wouldn’t mind some right now.  Anyways, it’s been really rough.  I know a lot of women experience “morning sickness.”  By the way, the dingbat who coined that termed must have been a man, because only 10-20 percent of women have nausea and sickness in the morning.  It’s more like an all day event.  

I’m normally pretty outgoing and chipper, but that has not been the case the past three months.  Many days, I haven’t been able to get out of bed and nor do I want to many of those days.  It kind of feels like I’ve had the flu for three months, except when I throw up I don’t really feel any relief.  Sorry if that’s more information than you wanted to know.  There’s something about being pregnant that makes any kind of filter I once had disappear altogether.  Working on that.  As you can imagine, being in a brand new city with only a few contacts and not being able to get out consistently has been an emotional roller coaster.  If I were feeling like my normal self, I would be rollerblading, walking downtown talking to homeless people, making lunch dates every day, and climbing big mountains with Andrew.  But, I haven’t been my normal self.  It’s a good day when I can get out for more than 2 hours.  This has caused a deep sadness in my heart and put a lot of strain on my marriage.  I keep playing the “if only” card with myself some days.  “If only I were in Fayetteville, my friends and my family could come to me and I wouldn’t have to get out and make such an effort.”  Basically, it stinks to know that life would be a little easier back in Fayetteville, but easy isn’t really what God’s about.  He’s about real, true, love.  I mean, I don’t think easy would be a word Jesus would use to describe dying on the cross.  But, I think would describe the experience as real, true, love.  That kind of love is the kind of love that he is working in all of us, everyday, and it’s anything from easy to grow into.  

I don’t usually get mad at God much, but I’ve been pretty mad at him the past three months.  Knowing he has the power to take away this sickness but has not taken it away yet has left room for all kinds of lies from the enemy.  I weave in and out of bitterness toward my situation and ultimately toward God.  But, recently I had several revelations from Jesus about my situation.  One of those was brought by reading Job.  I can’t say I know exactly how he felt, but I definitely can sympathize with him.  It’s interesting that, although Job had his family and possessions taken from him first, he still had a godly perspective…  “Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart.  The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”  His response was worship.  And he kept the perspective that God knows exactly what he’s doing.  He didn’t dwell only on his situation, he dwelt on who God was.  But, after  God allowed Satan to strike Job with painful sores all over his body.  Even though it wasn’t at first, shortly after this physical torment had befallen Job, he started dwelling on himself and his situation and not on the goodness and character of God.  I wonder what the state of his heart would have been if only he had dwelt upon the truths of God in the midst of his afflictions, rather than just dwelling on his afflictions?  Well Job, I’ve been right there with ya, buddy.  I’ve dwelt so much on my situation and this silly sickness that I haven’t spent much time dwelling on the beauty, the goodness, and the overall character of my God.  

I’ve often thought that I can’t complain to God about my situation because that’s me complaining about him, but through some of the lament psalms, I’ve realized that I can lament to God about my troubles and at the same time praise him for who He is.  Check out this guy’s story. “My heart is blighted and withered like grass; I forget to eat my food.  Because of my loud groaning I am reduced to skin and bones.  I am like a desert owl, like an owl among the ruines.  I lie away; I have become like a bird alone on a roof.  All day long my enemies taunt me; those who rail against me use my name as a curse.” Psalm 102:4-8.  And then he also says in the same passage, “But you, O Lord sit enthroned forever; your renown endures through all generations. You will arise and have compassion on Zion, for it is time to show favor to her;” Psalm 102:12-13.  He is able to lament his circumstances to God, but also bring worship.  I think this is what God wants.  He doesn’t want us to ignore the pain that’s caused by our circumstances, but he also wants us to remember who He is and worship him in the midst of all the pain.  

Another revelation came from my good friend, Rachel Gronwald.  She’s  reading a book called, From Prison to Praise.  It’s basically about how God wants us to praise him and thank him for everything, even the painful circumstances he allows because he brings only good from every situation we find ourselves in according to Romans 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  This has really transformed my perspective lately.  I find myself praising him as I hurl the only meal I’ve eaten.  Weird, huh?  He will only bring good out of that vomiting though…isn’t that cool?  Sorry, I know I’ve written a novel, but just wanted to share what Jesus has been doing in my heart.  Even though I’ll be 13 weeks along tomorrow and I’m still pretty sick, Jesus will bring only good from all of it.  I’m trying to live everyday with that truth bound around my heart.  Won’t you join me? 

Updates and my potential talent to become a soap opera star...

Fatigued, but enduring.  This phrase is what comes to mind when I consider the past three weeks of our life.  We are mentally, physically, and spiritually fatigued right now, and I would definitely we say we are in a spiritual wilderness right now with all that is going on.  But, as the great J.C. says, this is when our growth in Him abounds the most.  So man oh man how we must be abounding! 

Let me give you some updates on everything:  

First of all, Andrew loves his new job more than ever!  In fact, he even designed a few things for the company website today all by his smart self.  Fancy schmancy, I know.   And bless his heart, he has had to put up with me and my hormonal self on a daily basis.  He is such a good man, let me tell you.  I cry so much these days that I could probably be a pretty decent soap opera star as I mentioned in the title of this post.  I may audition for The Young and the Restless next week.  I’ll let ya know how it goes.  Yeah, it’s been hard on this old gal lately, but I entertain myself pretty well these days.  You see, when I start to cry, I can’t really breathe through my nose and then mucus gets caught in my throat and I occasionally gag myself during this whole process and have to make a break for the toilet to empty the contents of my stomach if you know what I mean.  This is pretty entertaining, I must say.  

However, things have been better in that department since my doctor prescribed me some medicine.  I no longer get sick, I just have waves of nausea throughout the day.  And more importantly than any of my weirdo symptoms, baby Brewer is doing just great!  I went in for an ultrasound this week on Tuesday and the heartbeat is super strong and the doctor said everything looks good.  Thank you, Jesus! 

And while I provide much entertainment to myself throughout the days, I am ready to be working or doing something of productive means and earning some money.  I don’t have any prospective students at all, and I really need some soon.  Please pray for God’s provision in that area.  I know he’s faithful and he will provide.  

Even in all of the transition and trials we are facing right now, I am thrilled about our baby and how God is growing our marriage.  I am truly blessed. 

Jobs, babies, and all the stuff in between.

Hiya!  You better hold on because I’m about to take you on quite a ride through the past month of our life in Colorado.  Let me first summarize and then I’ll elaborate as needed.  Within the past month Andrew started a job, quit a job, found another job at a church, and we found out that I’m PREGNANT!  

Yes, it’s been quite the month.  Let me start off with Andrew’s job, or jobs I guess.  He spent a week working at the Subaru dealership and boy did we both not like that job.  Let’s just say it wasn’t a right fit for a lot of reasons.  So, we prayed and felt like God told us both to talk to some of the people at the church we’d been attending to see if they had any connections or anything available at their church.  We ended up getting connected with a ministry called “Externally Focused Network.”  The director, Brian Mavis, needed an intern and by God’s provision and timing, Andrew was a right fit for the job!  The network’s aim is to equip other churches and ministries with support and practical tools that allow them to be “externally focused.”  This term means exactly what it sounds like.  Instead of putting all the effort into a dynamite Sunday morning, putting more effort into serving the community, serving the least of these.  Their statement is something like this, “Instead of being the best church IN the community, why not be the best church FOR the community.”  They are very big on partnering with organizations that already exist within the community, such as the foster care system, or homeless shelters that already exist, rather than starting their own.  Andrew officially started on Tuesday and has loved every minute of it.  Praise God for his provision and sovereignty! 

And as for me, well, as I said above, I’m PREGNANT!   Woohoo.  We definitely didn’t “plan” this or anything, but we’re super thrilled God decided to bless us with this precious gift.  I’m 6.5 weeks along and definitely feeling it.  I found out when I was about 5 weeks and I wasn’t feeling too many symptoms strongly then.  Since about the six week mark though, it has been nausea and all the wonderful yummy stuff that goes with that, pretty much nonstop all day long.  I got some ginger root tablets that I might try to help with all of that.  It has been really difficult to handle this not feeling so great thing this week in particular because my family is visiting.  I had to kick my sister out of the bathroom because the fish we ate a few hours before was having its revenge if you know what I mean.  I just downright don’t feel good.  I don’t like to complain, I just don’t have anybody out here to vent to except Andrew and he’s probably getting sick of it, so you guys are the lucky few that get to hear all about my pregnancy woes!  Other than the sick feeling and tiredness, I’m feeling great though!  I have an appointment next week to get an ultrasound and all the lab work done to make sure the baby and I are healthy.  

So, if you think of it and feel the urging of the Spirit, please pray for us.  Pray for relief from this nausea, health and development for the baby, and for friends.  I’ve felt really lonely since finding out I’m pregnant.  I’ve been fighting the desire to say to heck with it all and just move back to Fayetteville where everything is comfortable and familiar, but I know that’s not where we’re supposed to be anytime soon.  Jesus has plans for us and people for us to meet out here, it’s just not been in my time plan so I’m a little ancy.  He’s faithful though, and he’s good and wants to give good gifts to his children.  Standing on that promise.  We will keep everyone posted about the baby and the job and all that good stuff as things progress.  Over and out!

Penny the moving truck, empty parking lots, and life in general

Hello, hello!  It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but I have so much to tell you. 

We’ve been in Colorado for 12 whole days now.  And it’s been quite an adventure!  I’ll start at the beginning, which is always a good idea, don’t ya think?  We took off toward the west on Saturday morning May 28^th at 8 o’clock with our big yellow moving truck and several other traveling machines, that is, our cars.  We trudged through the glorious states of Oklahoma and Kansas, and as adventurous and fun-filled as they might sound, I think Andrew and I will do whatever necessary to try and fly back to Fayetteville when we visit.  Those states can take a toll on one’s mental health.    One can only handle so many fast-food joints with greasy mullets.  Any who, it took us 16 hours to get to Denver.  Yep, 16 hours!  The stupid moving truck was ridiculous.  I’m still working through my bitterness issues with good ‘ol Penny, the moving truck.   

We spent the night in a Sleep Inn that smelled like death and cigarettes the first night.  The moms and Blake promptly moved to a Hampton Inn across the way, smart move.  The next day we tried to go to this church called Cornerstone.  We arrived to find an empty parking lot.  Turns out they meet in homes on the fifth Sunday of every month, which is neat, but I was pretty peeved at the moment.  The rest of the day we spent moving our stuff into the apartment thanks to our moms, Blake, and Brett and Ruth Ellen Tubbs!  We made record time.  We got all of our stuff moved from good ‘ol Penny to the apartment in a mere 45 minutes.  We spent the next few days unpacking and shopping.  We got a brand new couch, love seat, coffee table, rug, bookshelf, and display case.  It looks incredible, I must say.  

Last Tuesday was by far the hardest day.  We had to say goodbye to my mom and Andrew’s mom and brother.  I cried pretty much the whole day.  I didn’t even care though.  I went into Target, Verizon, and Wal-Mart with raccoon eyes.  The next few days were a lot better though.  I think the hardest part was watching them all leave.  

Over the next week and a half we went on several hikes at Chautauqua Park in Boulder.  B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!  The pictures at the bottom of this post are of some of the hikes.  The hike we took this Tuesday was ridiculous.  We hiked up to almost 8,000 ft. in elevation.  It was only a 2 mile hike upwards, but it felt like 90 because of the altitude.  We made it to the top though!  And it was well worth the pain. 

Andrew has started his job at the Subaru dealership and is really enjoying it.  Part of his training has been to test drive all the Subaru models, so he’s really upset about that, as you can imagine.  J  I have an interview with an agency here in Westminster called, “A Child’s Song.” They teach private music lessons like guitar, voice, and piano, but they also have teacher’s who they send out to do music at local preschools, which is what I’m looking to do.  I hope to be the music teacher for several preschools in the area if all goes well.  Be praying for me if you think of it!  

Every day but today and last Tuesday have been relatively good and emotionally easy days.  However, today has been challenging.  I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s because I have less to do today, but I’m feeling pretty lonely and isolated today.  We are really trying to connect with a church out here called Cornerstone though.  You know, the one we went to and no one was there.  We got to go last Sunday and really enjoyed the service.  We’re hoping to meet some friends and do some ministry there. 

And last, here are some pics of our new journey. Enjoy!

                                                                           

                                                    The beautiful Chataqua Park in Boulder

                                                      Me about to keel over because of the altitude

                                                     Big cool rock on our hike.

                                                     The view at the end of our hike.  Well worth the pain

                                                      Our new living room furniture

                                                     Fun new kitchen with a huge island. 

                                                     Bathroom

                                                     Built in desk

Ode to Fayetteville

Bueno!  That’s what they say on the phone to say hello to each other down in Mexico, at least in the Chihuahua.  Anyways, we’re moving in 6 days!  Good night!  Where did the time go?  I remember when we were counting down from 100 days.  So I have been a roller coaster of emotions lately and I’m o.k. with that.  I’m excited, sad, nervous, and expectant all at the same time.  I thought I would do one last post on here before we head to Denver on Saturday. 

There are so many things I’m going to miss in Fayetteville.  I made a list of things I’m going to miss and thought I would share.  

1.        My family.  They mean the world to me and I will miss them something fierce.  It’s hard knowing that I won’t get to go to every soccer game or dance recital that my sister will be in next year.  It’s hard knowing that I can’t ask my mom to go get a pedicure if I’ve had a hard day at work.  It’s hard knowing that I won’t see my Dad three times a week at his office where I taught voice and piano lessons the past two years.  They are one great set a peoples!  

 

2.        My friends:  Rachel, Abby, Darby, Rebekah, Julie, Ann, Rose.  Couldn’t ask for greater people to have spent some extremely monumental times in my life with.  You all have challenged me, encouraged me, and been there through good and bad.  I know, I know, I’m getting kind of cheesy and sentimental, which I’m usually not a fan of, but it’s just so true, so I’m allowing cheesy sentimental statements into my vocabulary just this once.  

3.       Farmer’s Market-Good golly miss Molly!  How I love Farmer’s Market.  I went just yesterday and it just warms my heart.  Oops, there I go again talking cheesy.  Last time, truly.  I got some flowers for probably the last time in a while.  

4.       The South in general.  Nowhere else in the country can you go somewhere and hear the familiar and lovely accent of a southerner.  I don’t have that much of an accent, but I just love how it sounds.  I’ll miss that.  

5.       The trees.  I know it sounds strange because there are tons of trees in the mountains, but they are mostly evergreens and aspens and weird stuff that Arkansas doesn’t have.  Colorado doesn’t have the thick and lush trees that Arkansas has.  There are a lot of wide open spaces for bike trails, but I will miss riding along Skull Creek trail with all the big green trees and vegetation. 

Things I’m excited about: 

1.       Being with just Andrew!  We know a total of four people in Denver.  This will be the first time in our life where we won’t have the security net of friends, family, and familiarity.  I’m so excited about having to rely on just my husband.  I want to learn what it means to better submit and respect him during this time.  This will probably be a challenge for me at first since I’m bent toward being so independent and not wanting to ask for help, but I want to be different.  I know our culture says look out for numero uno, but I want to be better about asking for help and about letting people actually help me, starting with my husband.   

2.       The mountains!  Wahoo.  Who doesn’t love the good ol’ Rocky Mountains.  ‘Nuff said. 

3.       Being out of the Bible belt.  In Colorado, you’re either a Jesus follower or not, and people will tell you exactly where they stand.  There are churches, but they are few and far between the farther you go from Denver.  Summit County, which is two hours from us, is the second least reached county in the U.S.  There are virtually no churches in this county.  I am excited about interacting and getting to know people that are “unchurched.”  Not to convert them, but just to be around people that are different than me and to love on them and show them the love of Jesus.  Something they may not have experienced.  It’s Jesus’ job to convert.  

4.       Colorado is the healthiest state in the U.S.  There are bike lanes on almost every road one might travel, whole food stores on every corner, and there are gyms all over the place.  I don’t want to make an idol of this or anything, but I’m excited to be in an environment like this.  

5.       The unknown.  I'm excited and nervous about this.  It’s super uncomfortable, but I love knowing that Jesus has given me this opportunity to step out in faith and see what happens.  I’ll let you know what happens!